THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

Single? In a relationship? Just generally suck at love? Look no further, because I've discovered the secret to happy relationships; or so I've been (somewhat) convinced! Without sounding too much like that dreadful "relationship status" question on a Facebook profile (do people still use that feature?), let me point out that what follows is valid to just about everyone.

A concept I've been hearing quite a lot about lately is that of the 'Five Languages of Love.' This was introduced by Gary Chapman, author of the acclaimed book, 'The Five Languages of Love' (who would've guessed?). I've been quite intrigued by this, especially since many people have claimed it's fixed their relationships- something, which you can imagine, is not the easiest thing to do.

Naturally, miscommunication can be easy when two people are not speaking the same language and the language of love is no different. If you don't know your partner's love language, you're basically speaking Mandarin to someone who only understands English. What Mr Chapman over here is essentially trying to say is that as individuals, we each have a love language i.e. a certain way we like to be treated that makes us feel most special and loved. Knowing your partner's love language makes for better communication and an overall healthier relationship. Even if your relationship is going well, it's something worth looking into. Always room for improvement, right? By speaking your partner's love language, you fill their "love tank." You may not be able to fill your petrol tank, but you can always fill your partner's "love tank." It is equally important to know your own love language so that you can understand what you want out of a relationship and how you'd like to be treated.

A successful relationship does not require you and your partner to have the same love language,it simply means you need to identify each others' and treat them accordingly. It should never be about one person neglecting their love language to suit their partner, but each party making the effort to treat each other the way that makes them feel most loved and valued. Mutual exchange is so important and extremely healthy.  Without further adieu, i.e. me making statements I think are a whole lot more profound than they actually are, let's figure out your love language, shall we? 

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES:

QUALITY TIME

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

PHYSICAL TOUCH

ACTS OF SERVICE

RECEIVING GIFTS

QUALITY TIME

 Someone whose love language is quality time enjoys time spent with another individual without any external distractions. These distractions may be in the form of a television, cellphone, other people or just general tasks. Full, undivided attention is appreciated; where you're able to communicate and just bask in each others' presence. Failure to genuinely listen and show interest in what this person is saying is particularly hurtful. Being mindful and just living in the moment, together, is what this person thrives upon.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Someone with this love language relies heavily on constant reassurance through spoken word. Nothing makes this person feel more loved than their partner actually vocalising their love and appreciation. Unsolicited compliments are particularly heartwarming. Randomly hearing the words "I love you" are extremely comforting, especially when you list the reasons as to why you love this person/ what makes them special. Negative language/ insults and failure to express your feelings can be extra hurtful to someone with this love language.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

This person feels love through being physically touched by their partner. Not to be confused with sexual intimacy, this love language is more about precious embraces of love. Timely touches show care and concern and translates as warmth and safety. Constantly hugging, kissing, holding hands or even subtle touches on the arm of this person makes them feel most loved. Failure to constantly embrace this individual in both private or public spheres may translate as cold and neglectful. 

ACTS OF SERVICE

This person feels most love through the actions of their partner. Whatever task may ease the burden of this person, it is important to them that their partner does said task. This individual does not  believe in begging their partner to do things for them, but feels loved when their partner does things out of their own will because they care. Tasks should be done out of love, not obligation. They feel cared for knowing they always have someone to rely on and truly believe in the concept of "actions speak louder than words." Failure to see commitments through and not be a helping hand to this individual is particularly hurtful.

RECEIVING GIFTS

As materialistic as it may sound, this love language should not be confused with materialism. It is the thoughtfulness behind gifts that make someone with this love language feel valued and appreciated. Being surprised with little gifts are cherished and important to this person; small gestures to show that they are cared for- even in the form of something as humble as a handwritten note. Gifts are essentially a symbol of love, and thoughtless gifts are hurtful for this person. Showing your effort in the form of a random gift illustrates how you were thinking of this individual throughout your day.   ​​

If you identify a primary/ predominant love language, that does not mean you do not value the others and take it into account. It simply means that there is one you resonate with at your core, something that is undeniably you. If you are still unsure as to what your love language is, think about what someone does that hurts you the most? For example, if you feel most hurt when someone is constantly on their phone/ texting when around you, then your love language is probably Quality Time.

Alternatively, you could just take the quiz designed to help you discover your love language on: 5lovelanguages.com , that should definitely do the trick! It's probably better to take the quiz than to make assumptions. I mean, you could end up with a whole bunch of gifts you don't particularly care about or being touched a little bit more than you'd care for. Essentially: take the quiz!

I hope this post was somewhat insightful and that it actually helps improve your current or future relationships! If not, it could just be used as a drinking game where you take a shot every time I use the term love language. Try not to get alcohol poisoning though.

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