SELF-LOVE CLUB, VOL. 1

Man, self-love. If I could describe it in a single sentence I'd say that it is the practice of continuously, wholly and radically loving yourself which although challenging, is literally life-changing.

I'm writing this post as I sit nearby the window of a relatively crowded coffee shop, all alone with nothing but a pen and notepad as company. I'm not your typical Woodstock-hipster type who does this on the reg or anything, I simply enjoy getting coffee alone every now and then. Also, I was too lazy to lug my laptop around today, hence the pen and paper like my forefathers used, but that's beside the point here.

In the past, sitting alone in public seemed extremely daunting but I'm a lot more comfortable with the situation now. Taking the "I'm a grown ass woman and I can do things by myself!" approach has evidently really helped me. I guess I'm sharing that I got coffee alone today because without me not being comfortable enough with myself, it would never have happened. 

I must say that I've come a long way in terms of loving myself; I'm sure many can agree that it isn't the easiest thing to do. There are good days and bad days, even good moments and bad moments but it's not something I'd ever want to give up on. It seems like every now and then, something new pops up that makes us question our self-worth. Certain standards are force-fed to us and the comparisons, whether consciously or subconsciously, roll in and tell us how we should look/ feel/ be living, etc. Honestly, HOW EXHAUSTING. 

As I sit here and reflect on self-love, I must mention that it does not happen overnight (well, mostly), it's definitely a journey. I acknowledge that this journey varies from person to person, but I have compiled some tips/ practices which I found to be quite useful:

DO THINGS BY YOURSELF

As I mentioned previously, this is not always the least daunting thing to do. It's crazy how we're inescapable from ourselves yet some of us don't even know who we truly are because we're afraid of spending time alone. When you spend quality time with someone, you naturally grow closer to them; same concept really. There's so much liberation in knowing yourself.

I'm not saying take a walk through a park alone at 3a.m. or anything, but start with running little errands or doing things where you'd typically want someone to tag along, by yourself. I love going to the movies by myself but whenever I post about it I'll always have friends tell me, "I would've joined you!" or "how could you go alone?" I know they mean well but last time I checked I didn't need anyone to hold my hand? Now I know that doing certain things alone may be too far out of some people's comfort zones and that's okay, but remember that it's healthy to spend time alone. When you become too dependent on others, it's easy to forget how to feel whole by yourself and you're always going to feel like you NEED someone. The ultimate goal here is not to feel lonely when you're alone.

DO MORE OF WHAT YOU LOVE

It's standard to feel like you need to dedicate so much of your time to others. Whether it be friends, family or your work/ study obligations, it can be easy to lose touch with yourself and spare limited time for the things that make you feel happy or even relaxed.

Not to say that spending time with those you care for, work or studies is mutually exclusive from doing what you love, I mean focusing on hobbies or activities that make you feel most like yourself. Whatever it may be, from painting, reading or kicking a ball around to even the little things like taking a bubble bath (the DA is quaking) or playing some of your favourite music and dancing around in your room, make the time! It's incredible how soul-uplifting these simple activities can be and how you're able to get in touch with yourself in the process. You see, when you do the things you love you automatically become happier with yourself and feel comfortable doing things alone (ayyy, first point reference). It's as if you're teaching yourself to make yourself happy- and that, my friends, is some pretty powerful stuff.

USE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Positive affirmations are so powerful. You're constantly training your mind to love things about yourself. Why crave validation from everyone else when you're a whole entire human with the ability to hype yourself up whenever you like?

You know those days when you feel you're looking good to the point where you're like "damn, I look goood today", THAT. That's the kind of energy we always want around here!

Mirror work has proven to be quite successful; looking at yourself in the mirror and saying kind, positive words about the things you don't necessarily like and even the ones you do. Throughout the day you could try using the "I am" method, for example, "I am smart", "I am strong", "I am absolute fire on the aux", etc. It may seem somewhat silly at first but hey, it's helped many so it's worth a try. 

DON'T ROB YOURSELF OF THE PRESENT MOMENT

We rob ourselves of so much joy when we don't celebrate who we are because we're too busy wishing we were different. We spend so much time coveting that we lose appreciation for what's right in front of us. I truly believe that we were each divinely created with everything we need already within us, so comparing yourself to others is extremely counterproductive and that's the that on that.

Another way that we rob ourselves of the present is moment by constantly fixating on past mistakes, pain and even the pain that others have inflicted on us. It's not easy to pretend that everything is all rosy and it's not encouraged either, but try not to get so wrapped up in things that are not important. The present moment is the only time you can create happiness for yourself. Remember that you deserve good things.

INTROSPECTION 

Self-reflection is so important!

Just as communicating with others is extremely important to maintain healthy relationships, communicating with yourself is equally as important.

Take the time to understand your emotions. We all process things differently, the good and bad that happens in our lives. The healthiest way to grow and learn about yourself is to consider why certain things affect you the way they do so that if a similar situation arises, you can combat it with ease. Honestly, just knowing how your mind works is like leveling-up, kinda in the way that Super Mario does when he gets a mushroom (was Mario on shrooms? childhood ruined).

ALWAYS BACK YOURSELF

Oftentimes, people accept us at our own value. When we respect ourselves and the things we do, it shows. There's a big difference between seeking a second opinion and looking for validation and approval and oftentimes we do the latter. 

If you're proud of the things you do (that does not cause harm to others) or the work you produce then nobody can take that away from you. I know it's been said, but be your biggest fan. Like what you like because somebody is always going to have a different opinion on it regardless. We can't all like the same things and we're conditioned to do exactly that, reclaim your power by being your authentic self. Maybe there will be people who believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself but when you do believe in yourself as much as they do, that's when you really thrive.

How beautiful and freeing would it be to love yourself without question? Revolutionary. I'd say. Remember that when we feel love at the primary source of which love can be felt, i.e. within ourselves, we emit love. Think of yourself as a magnet, when you radiate self-love you welcome all that love back into your life in all different kinds of forms, a beautiful cycle, really.

I hope you love yourself today.

Image via Pinterest.